Daniel Seabaugh

The early months of marriage were euphoric for my wife and me. There were sparks, threatening to set ablaze everyone and everything around us. It was like entering the best scene from a love story, only it was happening in real life.

The intensity. The romance. The fireworks. We were an island, and the world was our playground.

If you’re married, can you recall the fireworks from your wedding day? What about the months following? Was the world teeming with possibilities—the cup of adventure overflowing with magic? Did you believe anything was possible, and nothing could stand in the way of your dreams, goals, desires, love? Did you feel weightless, like a feather floating on a summer breeze?

Married couples often remember the aura surrounding their wedding day. The months following produce fireworks that are unforgettable. But anyone married for more than a couple years knows the exhilaration stops. Like a firework show at a sporting event, the grand finale comes and goes.

What should couples do when the smoke settles? Should they find another retailer and stockpile their supply or simply live with the memories from once upon a time? The answer is a bit complicated.

Navigating the aftermath of fireworks in marriage is not the easiest thing on the planet. For starters, each couple is different. They have different spouses, live in different places, have different goals, different families, different perspectives. There is not a one-size-fits-all approach to marriage enrichment. Yet there are some common things all couples can do.

First, couples should remember the early years and talk about them often.

Reflecting on the ways God weaved our marriages together can fill us with gratitude. The events that put my wife and me together are nothing short of miraculous. When we talk about those years, it’s evident God was working through every moment, even the awkward ones. He was answering prayers and expanding our understanding of his ways. I generally fall more in love with God and my wife when I reminisce on those years.

Recalling such moments keeps the flame of marriage burning. I vividly remember sitting with Rachel at Starbucks, latte in hand, dreaming about our future together. We were excited for life, ministry, and children. We were eager to step into what God had for us.

Looking at our lives today stirs up something wonderful in me. We’re literally living our dreams. We have amazing children, belong to a fantastic church, and, on occasion, are presented with God-sized opportunities. Though we rarely hang out in coffee shops, the realization of God’s hand at work in our marriage is like a shot of espresso—energizing us.

God has done many mysterious things in our time together. He has been present in good and bad moments, never leaving or forsaking us. He has been more than kind considering our hardheadedness. He has endured our wandering, complaining, and doubts.

Yes, looking back should happen regularly; however, living in the moment should happen, also.

Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days.

– Ecclesiastes 9:9 (NIV)

Things have undoubtedly changed. You’re different. Your spouse is different. The person you married years ago is not the person you’re living with today. Who you are now is not who you were then.

Changes are perfectly normal, yet they routinely catch people off guard. Some couples seek divorce because they’re frustrated by the changes in their spouse. They fail to recognize the changes in themselves.

Change is part of life. Hopefully, over time, we grow more gentle, humble, Christ-like. As we grow in Christ, we should grow in patience, allowing grace to work when we think our spouse is missing the mark.

When it appears the fireworks have stopped, we must remind ourselves that God never quits. He never gives up. Even though he exists outside of time, we experience his power in the present. We don’t have to be afraid. God is with us.

But we shouldn’t stop there. Living in the present moment and recalling the early years are vital, but planning for what’s ahead is also important.

Where do you want your marriage to be in five years? Ten? Twenty-five? Great marriages are built through tedious, mundane actions made moment by moment. A selfless act today followed by another tomorrow will improve the odds of a thriving marriage in the future. Laying our lives down daily will increase the likelihood of a great marriage in a decade.

No, one size doesn’t fit all; but when the fireworks stop, we must be willing and ready to tap into every practice at our disposal. We can’t give up on our spouses. God doesn’t give up on us.

There are many other things we can do, no doubt, but keeping an eye on the past, the present, and the future will help keep the fireworks booming.