Daniel Seabaugh

Parenting is hard work. It’s not for wimps. Everyone has an opinion. Everyone wants to chime in. Add to it the pressure from our culture to perform, and parenting turns into a competitive sport, where we seek to raise children who are smart, funny, athletic, top of their class, well behaved (especially in public), and most likely to succeed or study at an Ivy League school.

Our children enter adulthood believing winning is everything. We’re crushed when they fail, taking it personally, as if their poor performance solidifies our place in the “bad parent” category.

Each year mounds of books are published about how to parent the “correct” way. We invest loads of money and spend tons of time seeking advice from experts. Lots of conferences are attended, and podcasts downloaded in the name of helping parents, parent.

The pressure is real. It’s enough to make us break.

But what if it doesn’t take a formula? What if parents already have what they need to make a difference? What if parents can make a profound impact in the lives of their children without pro tips?

Children, like everyone in the world, need the loving presence of a friend. Someone who cares. A person who is for them. A person who doesn’t turn their back when failure, lying, anger, or sin rises to the surface. We need to know our lives matter, that others care, especially when things aren’t going well.

We shouldn’t aimlessly walk into parenting and expect to raise children who become responsible, God-fearing adults. But we also shouldn’t parent with the fear of messing up or doing something wrong. We don’t have to buy every parenting book, or attend every conference, or download every podcast. It’s okay not to have all the data. We actually don’t need it to make a difference.

Stop Looking at Others and Start Looking at Christ

Everything needed for wholeness, joy, peace, comfort, approval, and wisdom was accomplished by Jesus on the cross. I don’t think we should disregard parenting advice entirely, especially from those who’ve done it well. But I do think we give it too much credence. We don’t consider the gospel enough in our parenting.

Paul David Tripp says parents are “unfinished people…being used of God as agents of transformation in the lives of unfinished people.” Our children aren’t perfect, but neither are we. What we do have and what we can offer our children is grace.

We love because he first loved us.

—1 John 4:19

Grace is about not holding the sins of our children against them. It’s about forgiving them when they fail to live up to our expectations. It’s about laying our lives down continually until Christ calls us home.

But what if my children mess up badly? They will. Show them grace.

But what if my child ends up in prison? They may. Show them grace.

But what if my child runs with the wrong crowd? It’s possible. Show them grace.

But what if my child acts selfishly and takes advantage of me? Forgive them. Show them grace.

All the problems in our children stem from the same problem in us. Sin. God sent his Son into the world to deal with sin once for all.

We were loved, so we should love. We were shown grace, so we should show grace.

There’s hope for our children because of the cross. Sure, there are things we can do to help our children along the path of life. But apart from God’s grace, his love for them and us, we are defenseless. There’s nothing we can do to root out selfishness or pride in another person. We can’t change the heart of our children.

But Christ can. Oh, how wonderful that truth is! Christ can.