Daniel Seabaugh

If you think about it, there are only two ways to approach life. There’s what could be called the “through me and for me” approach, and then there’s the “through God and for God” approach. Let’s look at both in turn.

Through Me and For Me

The “through me and for me” approach to life says, “If I’m going to make the most of my life, if I’m going to live a life that’s truly meaningful and significant, it’s going to happen through my abilities, my intelligence, my work ethic, my financial planning, my strength and stamina, and my discipline.”

I’d argue that this is the dominant approach in culture today. Advertising sells it to us. Algorithms keep it in front of us. We see it in movies and read about it in books. Our favorite musicians sing about it, and celebrities tell us it’s the way to the good life.

The “through me and for me” approach to life is ultimately based on self-reliance with zero or little reference to God. It’s extremely enticing, particularly when we’re young, for it’s broad with many options. It promises a life where we can be whoever we want to be and do whatever we want to do.

I believe there are two negative results from pursuing this approach to life.

Two Negative Results

First, if we find material or worldly success with it, and many people do, we’ll likely become narcissistic and develop a competitive edge.

Narcissism has been defined as having an excessive focus on oneself—particularly one’s own appearance, abilities, and importance—often accompanied by a lack of empathy for others.

Narcissists justify their approach to life by making claims like, “I was given a brain for a reason,” “I’m not arrogant, I’m just confident,” “No one else can do it as well as I can,” and “I earned what I have.”

Now, to be fair, these comments aren’t always spoken out loud, nor are they the only claims being made. More times than not they’re part of an internal dialogue.

For the narcissist, life is like a competitive sport where those who play the best go the furthest and those who play poorly lose. But this approach to life creates unhealthy relationships because few people can connect with narcissists in vulnerable or honest ways. And narcissists rarely connect with others unless they do so to serve their own needs.

The second negative result of the “through me and for me” approach to life is crippling anxiety and spiraling depression once the approach begins to fail. And it always fails.

Why?

We weren’t created to do our own thing or figure out life alone. There’s a relationship at the center of who God is—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. When God places us in a world with other living, breathing beings made in his image, he intends us to know them and be known by them. We’ll never find ultimate, soul-satisfying happiness apart from a relationship with God and others.

Self-orientation will lead to depression and anxiety because once it’s exposed for the shallow worldview that it is, we’ll either work harder to maintain it, which is anxiety-producing, or succumb to disorientation, which can lead to depression. Whether through a life-altering diagnosis, a career layoff, an economic downturn, the death of a loved one, or ultimately and finally, our own inevitable deaths, the “through me and for me” approach to life will fail us.

To be fair, this approach to life is everyone’s default posture. It’s our factory preset. We’re born with it. Learning selflessness is a lifelong endeavor.

One way to know the “through me and for me” approach to life is erroneous is to think about the moment you decided when and where to be born, what family to be born into, what color of eyes or hair to have, what natural gifts or talents to have, or even your ethnicity or gender or country of origin. We didn’t decide any of this, even though they are some of the most important things about us. How bizarre and foolish is it, then, to boast in our achievements or position in life?

That’s the first approach to life—the “through me and for me” approach. Here’s the other option.

Through God and For God

The “through God and for God” approach to life says, “If I’m going to make the most of my life, if I’m going to live a life that’s truly meaningful and significant, it’s going to happen through God’s strength, God’s wisdom, God’s provision, God’s mercy, and faithfulness, and loving-kindness.”

I’d argue that this approach is not the dominant one in culture today, but it is the one the Bible points us toward again and again.

Colossians 1:5-6 says,

The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.

All things. Your life. My life. Everything. It was all created through Jesus and for Jesus.

When Jesus was prepping his twelve disciples for life and ministry, he said, “Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 10:39).

To find your life is to live the “through me and for me” approach. Jesus says that such a life will ultimately be lost. But the man or woman who adopts the “through God and for God” approach will find true and lasting fulfillment in life.

I believe there are at least two positive results from pursuing this approach to life.

Two Positive Results

First, we were created by a good God and for a good purpose. Indeed, God created us on purpose for a purpose, and he wants us to walk in it. He doesn’t want us to flounder and spin our wheels trying to figure out the meaning of life.

Furthermore, we don’t have to win at everything to be successful in life. We only need to walk in the plan God has for us, and then we’ll be truly successful, because his definition of success is the only one that matters.

When we die, we won’t give an account to our boss, or our friend, or our spouse, or anyone else in this life. We’ll give an account to God for everything we’ve done and every careless word that came from our lips (Matthew 12:36; Romans 14:12).

Our good God has a good plan, and we can know it. That’s the first positive result. It leads to the second. God wants us to make a difference in this world, and we will do so if we surrender our lives to him.

Following Jesus isn’t about giving our lives to God and then going about our business. We have to give our lives to God and then do whatever he says for the rest of our lives. It’s about whole-life surrender—a wholehearted pursuit of Christ.

Scripture says,

You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

—1 Corinthians 6:19-20

These two approaches to life are the only two available. There are, no doubt, many ways to express them, but ultimately our lives are either lived for God or for self.

May wisdom guide our decisions in 2026 and beyond. May we choose the road less traveled.