Daniel Seabaugh

It’s been said that anything God creates, Satan counterfeits. For example, God wants men and women to flourish, finding life and joy in their various endeavors, especially their relationships. Satan, on the other hand, wants men and women to flounder as they seek life and joy in things opposed to God’s good, pleasing, and perfect will. Satan often deceives by lying in subtle ways that sound like truth. When we believe and pursue his lies over the course of our lives, we miss God’s best in disastrous ways. I believe that’s the case in same-sex relationships.

Contrary to popular opinion, we can (and should) have deep, intimate friendships with people of the same sex without engaging in sexual activity, being weird, or doing anything that violates God’s command about sex being for a man and woman within the confines of marriage.

David and Jonathan had a deeply intimate friendship. We’re told that Jonathan was knit to the soul of David and loved him as his own soul (1 Samuel 18:1). They wept together and even kissed each other (1 Samuel 20:41). But the context of the story and the range of meaning for the Hebrew word love do not suggest a sexual connection of any kind. Kissing was not sexual but similar to a hug today, though far more intimate—a sign of devotion, unity, and delight. We see this in the New Testament as well, when believers are told to greet each other with a holy kiss (Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 1 Thessalonians 5:26).

The word intimate means: closely acquainted; familiar; close.

Sadly, our world has sexualized everything, especially the word intimacy. Today, even a smile can be taken promiscuously. But this has not always been the case.

Our souls need deep friendships with people of the same sex. We thrive in heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul relationships. God designed it that way. Without deeply intimate relationships with people of the same sex, we won’t grow into men and women who love well, serve faithfully, and obey God with our whole hearts. Simply put, we won’t know how to properly be a man or a woman, taking our cues from misguided experts or deeply wounded people instead of the Word of God.

The Two Extremes

Due to our hypersexualized environment, two extremes happen today in regard to same-sex friendships. The first is to go “all in” on intimacy with another person of the same sex. Our world teaches that if our emotions are high, it must be right and should be pursued; otherwise, we’ll live inauthentically and never find true happiness. But being attracted to someone doesn’t have to mean sex or romance. Attraction simply means being fascinated with or drawn in by something or someone. For example, I’m attracted to great speakers or gracious pastors. I’m drawn to guys with humility and expertise in an area. I want to know them and be known by them, but I don’t want to have sex with them, nor should I want that. If we buy into the narrative that says such feelings mean we’re gay, bisexual, or something else, then we’ll wind up frustrated by not pursuing such relationships or living a lie to appease the false narrative in our minds.

Because of sin, our feelings can be distorted. Our desires, more than a testament to our authentic selves, may be a perversion of our fallen nature. Just because we think or feel a certain way doesn’t mean it’s right. As Christians, we must check our inclinations with the teachings of Scripture. The Bible is where truth resides. After all, we didn’t invite Jesus into our lives. We accepted the invitation into his life. That means his ways go.

The second extreme is to avoid close relationships altogether, particularly those that go beyond sports talk or drinking buddies. Many times, people fall into this extreme out of fear of what others think. If they’re male, it might be about keeping their man card or not appearing weak. If female, it might be about not hearing others call them a lesbian. But God wants us to know others deeply and be known by them.

I’m thoroughly convinced that Satan has screwed this issue up so badly that men and women are robbed of some of the sweetest, most life-giving interactions this side of heaven. I pray the Church, by the power of the Holy Spirit, will seek to reverse this destructive and isolating trend. We need close same-sex friendships without being weird or romanticizing things. May God be glorified as we pursue them.